The Dingleberry Sports Desk

Hear ye

Working on Weekend holds the lead of the standings at 6-2-0.Rightful place (10th place) led all scorers with 120.56.No Collusion edged Chubby Unicorn by 3.28, the closest finish of the week.Yaya scored just 55.44, the lowest of the week.No Collusion climbs 2 spots to 2nd.Concussion Check has lost 8 straight.Bring me a shrubbery.

Commissioners' Corner

OFFICIAL DECREE FROM THE CO-COMMISSIONERS: Week 8 is in the books. Working on Weekend holds the lead of the standings at 6-2-0. Rightful place (10th place) led all scorers with 120.56. No Collusion edged Chubby Unicorn by 3.28, the closest finish of the week. Rightful place (10th place) flattened Yaya by 65.12. Yaya scored just 55.44, the lowest of the week. Concussion Check remains winless at 0-8-0. A performance review is scheduled for dinner. The Ministry of Silly Walks has opened an inquiry into everything. Furthermore, bring me a shrubbery!

The Co-Commissioners

Week 8 in numbers

Highest score: 120.56; Rightful place (10th place)
Lowest score: 55.44; Yaya
Closest finish: 3.28; No Collusion
Biggest blowout: 65.12; Rightful place (10th place)

Week 8 results

⚡ Nail-biterWon by 4.28
Bring Me A ShrubberyWinner117.76
Waffles113.48
A 4.28-point squeaker: Bring Me A Shrubbery survives Waffles.
🦾 'Tis but a scratchWon by 65.12
Yaya55.44
Rightful place (10th place)Winner120.56
A 65.12-point rout. Yaya would like a word with its roster. Yaya fell 38.95 short of its projection.
🦾 'Tis but a scratchWon by 41.80
The Beat Goes On75.48
Working on WeekendWinner117.28
Working on Weekend flattens The Beat Goes On by 41.80. The Beat Goes On fell 33.11 short of its projection.
🦾 'Tis but a scratchWon by 48.76
Fuzzy FerretWinner114.44
Concussion Check65.68
Fuzzy Ferret flattens Concussion Check by 48.76.
⚡ Nail-biterWon by 3.28
Chubby Unicorn79.72
No CollusionWinner83.00
No Collusion edges Chubby Unicorn by just 3.28.

Power rankings

Ranked by the standings, sorted into quest tiers. Arrows show movement since last week.

👑 Holy Grail Contender

1Same rank as last week
Working on WeekendPF 869.82, PA 793.04
Holds first place at 6-2-0. Beat The Beat Goes On, 117.28 to 75.48. Has won 6 straight. Satellite imagery of the backyard remains inconclusive.
6-2-0869.82793.04W-6

🌿 Knights Who Say Ni

2Up 2 from last week
No CollusionPF 872.52, PA 814.98
Climbs 2 spots to 2nd at 5-3-0. Beat Chubby Unicorn, 83.00 to 79.72. The League is not asking questions. Yet.
5-3-0872.52814.98W-1
3Down 1 from last week
The Beat Goes OnPF 805.64, PA 752.36
Slips to 3rd at 5-3-0. Lost to Working on Weekend, 117.28 to 75.48. Its pulse remains steady and slightly suspicious.
5-3-0805.64752.36L-1
4Up 2 from last week
Bring Me A ShrubberyPF 803.84, PA 818.04
Climbs 2 spots to 4th at 5-3-0. Beat Waffles, 117.76 to 113.48. Bring me a shrubbery!
5-3-0803.84818.04W-1

🦜 Dead Parrot Tier

5Down 2 from last week
YayaPF 784.52, PA 827.82
Falls 2 spots to 5th at 5-3-0. Posted the week's lowest score, 55.44. Yaya says this is fine, loudly.
5-3-0784.52827.82L-1
6Up 1 from last week
Rightful place (10th place)PF 869.72, PA 794.38
Moves up to 6th at 4-4-0. Posted the week's top score, 120.56. Has won 3 straight. The appeal is pending.
4-4-0869.72794.38W-3
7Down 2 from last week
WafflesPF 861.90, PA 873.78
Falls 2 spots to 7th at 4-4-0. Lost to Bring Me A Shrubbery, 117.76 to 113.48. Waffles would like a nap.
4-4-0861.90873.78L-2

💀 Bridge of Death Peasantry

8Up 1 from last week
Fuzzy FerretPF 805.06, PA 813.32
Moves up to 8th at 3-5-0. Beat Concussion Check, 114.44 to 65.68. The ferret remains fuzzy and unbothered.
3-5-0805.06813.32W-1
9Down 1 from last week
Chubby UnicornPF 740.54, PA 784.38
Slips to 9th at 3-5-0. Lost to No Collusion, 83.00 to 79.72. The unicorn is vibing.
3-5-0740.54784.38L-1
10Same rank as last week
Concussion CheckPF 672.90, PA 814.36
Stays 10th at 0-8-0. Lost to Fuzzy Ferret, 114.44 to 65.68. Still searching for a first win. A performance review is scheduled for dinner.
0-8-0672.90814.36L-8

Week 9 preview

Projected points and win odds, courtesy of Yahoo.

Bring Me A Shrubbery97.15 projectedvsRightful place (10th place)108.83 projected
Rightful place (10th place) is a 62 percent favorite over Bring Me A Shrubbery, projected 108.83 to 97.15.
Waffles89.63 projectedvsThe Beat Goes On111.74 projected
The Beat Goes On is a 70 percent favorite over Waffles, projected 111.74 to 89.63.
Yaya101.56 projectedvsChubby Unicorn94.02 projected
Yaya is a 58 percent favorite over Chubby Unicorn, projected 101.56 to 94.02.
Working on Weekend113.78 projectedvsConcussion Check62.74 projected
Working on Weekend is a 91 percent favorite over Concussion Check, projected 113.78 to 62.74. Concussion Check needs a miracle, a Holy Hand Grenade, or both.
Fuzzy Ferret100.47 projectedvsNo Collusion110.35 projected
No Collusion is a 60 percent favorite over Fuzzy Ferret, projected 110.35 to 100.47.

If you encounter a particularly stubborn opponent...